I tuned out the techno-babble coming from the doctor’s mouth and down the phone line.
“Pay attention,” a voice inside my head spoke, “this is important.”
I paced across my kitchen and looked out the back door again, trying to recall what I was looking for. “No. He’s not talking to me. He’s talking to someone else.”
“No,” the voice said. “This is happening to YOU. Your dog is dying.”
October 16th marked the release of Metastasis: An Anthology to Support Cancer Research. The anthology contains a very personal story of mine called “Next Placement”. The collection as a whole is unique and powerful. I am proud to be a part of it.
However I also learned on that same day that Chaos, our 10-year-old Welsh Pembroke Corgi, has a tumor growing at the base of his skull. It has grown so much that it is protruding into the nasal cavity of the right side of his nose. A biopsy was taken, but we still have not gotten back the results. The impression I got from the vet was that there will be no “good” outcome. Only varying degrees of bad.
And just like that, the subject matter behind Metastasis crashed into my life again. All productivity in my household has stopped. The day job has become an exercise in malaise as I check my cell phone repeatedly for any new information from the vet. And forget about writing. When my brain wanders off of the page it goes places I do not want to consider. I spend my evenings between cancer research for dogs and mindless bouts of Civilization V. My wife and I take turns collapsing into each other in tears.
Thankfully, very few people have gone into the “It’s just a dog” territory with me. However, if that thought does cross your mind a) keep it to yourself- IT DOES NOT HELP, and b) you obviously have never spent any time with Chaos and have therefore lost all right to talk to me about what is best for my family.
I’m debating documenting our treatment of Chaos on this website. I think it might help me come to terms with his situation. I also feel a need to recount what an extraordinary dog he’s been and why this is so hard for those who know him to take. If you feel this is something I should do, please weigh in. For now, here is a picture of my guy, taken in better days.
“A dog is the only thing on Earth that loves you more than he loves himself.” – Josh Billings