This week a class-action lawsuit was filed against Anheuser-Bush InBev. The complaint alleges that the corporation has been watering their beers down below the advertised 5% ABV. When I first read about the case, one of my first thoughts was, “How can they tell?”
Let’s be blunt. I love beer. I love beer to the point where a Joseph J. Manbag would sneer and proclaim me to either be a hipster, snob, or both. I prefer the term “beer geek”, myself. I spend hours reading over issues of Zymurgy and Brew Your Own, researching the history of beer. If I stumble across a documentary about beer on NetFlix, that’s it, I’m not doing anything else for the next few hours. And for the past 7 or so years, I’ve been brewing my own beer at home.
The love affair began as the strongest loves do- by accident and un-looked for. Like most college students, I was acquainted beer. It was something I drank ice cold and quickly to get drunk at parties. However, one night while out with friends, I ordered a Guiness as a joke. At the time I was taking a creative writing class, and the professor who taught it always arrived late and looked haggard. His constant excuse was “I drank too much Guiness last night.” I fancied myself a bit of an comedian and figured I’d do an impression of our teacher. When the Guiness arrived at our booth, my friends and I all had a laugh. The beer was unlike any alcoholic beverage we’d seen before. It was dark and thick with a creamy head. It smelled almost like coffee. I tousled my hair to look disheveled and with a wink, I took a gulp.
It’s been almost 18 years since that night, and I still remember that first sip vividly. Unlike the beers I was used to, the Guiness tasted like something. It wasn’t bitter. There were hints of roast and sweetness. It didn’t swish through my mouth like water. It had mouthfeel. Body. “Chewy” was the word used to describe it. I loved it. From that point on, when I had the money, I drank Guiness. And I drank it slow.
I have a confession to make. Most of the time when I drink, I don’t drink to get drunk. Sure, I’ve been known to tie one on after a brutal day or when celebrating. But most nights when I drink, it’s because I really enjoy the smell and the taste of beer. The fact that it makes me tipsy is a happy side effect.
The plaintiffs in the lawsuit against Anheuser-Bush InBev said that the reason they regularly purchased Budweiser was because of the stated amount of alcohol. And they’re convinced that it has less than what’s advertised. To me, that sentiment gets to the heart of what’s wrong with mainstream beer culture: beer is a cheap drink for common guys to get drunk.
But it can be so much more when you take a chance, try something new, and savor it.